Iyam what Iyam, you be too.

So in an effort to distract myself from my real problems, I have been reading about "D/s" relationships a bit. I've been seeing submissives talking about being "trained". They present themselves as a blank canvass or fresh clay from which the dom can make anything he desires. They claim that all they want is a man that will make them into whatever it is that he wants, so that they can be pleasing to him. Just for entertainment value I thought I'd post.

First off, submissives you have the right to seek whatever will make you happy, but not the right to complain if you get it. Far too often in my experience I have heard a woman ask for a man to make her anything he desires and then complain that he is not accepting her for who she is. To them I say this; if you offer yourself as no more than a pretty container that can be filled with whatever he would like, you are likely to get a man that likes the color of your eyes and the length of your legs and expects he can change everything else about you. You will be expected to cut and color your hair, maintain a certain figure, and learn to enjoy certain acts while never desiring others because that will suit his taste and your own is of no importance. That is what he was offered, so that’s what he expects. I grant you only one small concession, and that is that I believe the man should have ascertained more accurately what you were really offering before accepting you, and in that way it would be his fault. But understand even there that what I am saying is that you were nothing but a poor choice to begin with because you were either not honest about what you wanted, or not as self aware as you presented yourself as being. It will be the doms’ mistake, but his mistake will be in having believed you.

Now the rest of this is simply about my personal taste. I enjoy the full richness of a woman as a person. I don't want a toy, I want a partner. I want someone that meshes with me like a puzzle piece and adds to my life as I add to hers. What attracts me is someone that has her own experiences to share with me, new ways to please me, and skills I don't possess but that would benefit me greatly. To be honest, having to "train" her to much kind of ruins it for me. I don't want to learn what pleases her so that I can be sure to do it without regard to what I want, and I don't want to teach her to like every single thing I like while disregarding her own opinions. I want us to coincidentally like at least some of the same things. I don't mind at all if she expresses preferences and favorite activities. I don't mind at all offering my ideas and experiences while exploring an interest of hers that we share but that she has no experience with. I want it to be a natural flow though, not a forced routine that’s performed, even if it’s performed well. It’s my opinion that if the woman enjoys specific activities or pleasures, she ought to just be honest and let her partner know, D/s or not, and she should be respected even as he is obeyed. It really doesn't bother me that I didn't teach her EVERYTHING she knows, and usually the submissive seems pleased to be able to offer me something that is from her alone. Don’t get me wrong, I expect to change her, to help her learn (I prefer “Teach” to “Train”) But I want to add to all the positive things that are already there. Because there's really no way a woman is a blank canvass in this aspect of life. Anyone old enough to even be reading this blog about the topics we discuss is going to have lived enough life to have had experiences that affected and shaped them. Those experiences are the foundation of who a person is. That's what should be offered to a life partner, because that's what enriches a life.