There's a joke that goes like this.....

There's a joke that goes like this: "What do you call a man with two wives?"

Answer: "Insane!"

An aquaintance was discussing my lifestyle today, and it was clear he didn't really understand it. It was mentioned that I don't come off as a "Dom" kind of guy in the sense that I don't flaunt my relationship with two women, I don't act all that cocky, and blah blah blah. Something that made me laugh was when I was told I don't spout off about "My bitches" and so on. I thought I'd write a post for those just considering trying it about how it really is going to work, so they will know what they are getting into.

First off, if you are very lucky each woman will compromise about half of the time. Since there are three of you and each of them is taking turns, YOU will be compromising every time. Oh, you'll get some of what you want. At least in one sense that's what a compromise is. But when one lady wants to buy a new car in trade for the 17 year old beater you have, another wants the down payment money spent on new living room furniture to replace the stained and sagging stuff you've raised the kid on, and your hope was to get a little caught up on the credit cards, YOU will have no chance. This is true because as the team lead you really only have two options. You can disappoint one of them or you can disappoint both of them. How many women do you want sulking and pouting for the next couple of weeks? How many women do you want to catch heaving a patient sigh while casting longing looks at the object of their desire that you denied them. One, or two?

Well?

Not a difficult question is it?

Further, since you are the highest authority, it is your responsibility to see to it that they are keeping their lives straight (You know, in all the spare time you have outside keeping your own life straight). You have to make sure the cars get serviced, the household appliances are maintained, and that the driveway is passable after two feet of snow falls. You have to be at the medical appointments so you know what's going on, at the various family functions (Where you will be at your MOST charming at all times, even when insulted, because aunt Martha already hates your living arrangements), and at every school play, ball game, and orchestra concert where you will meet the teachers and mingle with the other parents. As family CEO, everything right down to everyone being up on time for work and school, and creating the bathroom shower schedule that can accomplish that, is ultimately your responsibility. You won't be spending a lot of time watching the game on the big screen with one scantily-clad babe running for beers while the other kneels holding the chips and dip for you demurely. You'll be (Do you see it coming?) slaving away.

Granted, you can stamp your foot and say "I'm the boss and we'll do it my way!" anytime you want, but you won't have a successful happy relationship. Real women don't put up with that shit forever, and most not for long. Some pack up and leave, others will eventually just kill themselves out of hopelessness, but they'll leave you one way or another. And one way or the other, a woman generally leaves a mess behind for you to deal with.

So basically the reality is this. You will work twice as hard at the relationship as any other man you know, and you will spend twice as much money doing it. You will compromise more often, get your own way much less, and unless you have one big-ass house you will be using the bathroom only when you are allowed to. You will have double the chance of forgetting a birthday or anniversary, in fact twice as many details of all types to keep up on. Oh, and you will have two "Her mom"s to deal with in some fashion.

Why do it? Well, you know that warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you overhear your current partner bragging about you to a friend? Or when you come home from a long day and she's made your favorite meal? Or the pride when she solo's at a task you taught her how to do? That kind of thing?

Yeah, I get that twice as much.

Whenever anyone asks me about living this way, I quote the character Kay from the movie Men in Black, when he was asked if trading his whole life for that other one was worth it.

"Oh yeah! It's worth it. If you're strong enough."