See? It ought to just be done my way....

Saw this on Spiriteds blog (Spirited Meanderings), and it made me think to post.



What would you do if confronted by a dom of the oppisite sex?


That's a very difficult question to answer in general terms. It would really depend on his intentions. I'm an owned slave and I don't have much respect for Doms who do not respect that. I also do not respect Doms who automatically think I will submit to them just because I'm submissive. To me, they are not Doms, but boys trying to pretend to be dominants.

To dominants who approach me in a disrespectful manner, I usually as calmly as possible tell them what I think of their behavior and just walk away. If they are being respectful, though, and just want to talk or have questions they want to ask me... then I have no issues with that.



The reason I decided to post is, this type of situation is a perfect example of why "The community" needs to have specific expectations and definitions of what is done. The reason any "Confrontation" would occur it seems to me, is because each party expects the other has their same values and expectations of one another. Spirited seems to feel she has no duty, obligation, or expectation to offer more than minimal courtesy to a dom confronting her, something I get the sense she would offer pretty much any human. I know another person though, that claims he is dom, is NOT Gorean, but does seem to honestly feel that women are property to be used as a man sees fit, that all women owe obeissence to a man simply based on gender, and that small tasks such as fetching drinks or food is something any woman should do at the request of pretty much any man. Larger tasks such as sexual "Use" he would negotiate with her "Owner" and she would simply be informed of what was expected, or even simply handed over and used without any explanation. This person was articulate, polite, and made a pretty strong argument.

I happen to think this type of person is the most dangerous to the lifestyle, since an articulate, intellectually capable fool is much harder to spot or counter than the typical shit-for-brains fool one normally stumbles over in the "Scene"You know, the guy with the flogger molded into his back pocket, falls dangling down his thigh? But see, here's the problem, I'm guessing Spirited feels the dom-in-question is rude, arrogant, and lacks an understanding of what the lifestyle is all about. But stop for a minute and think. The dom almost certainly feels the same things about her. And the reason is that neither of them can be told that their way is not the right way, because the PC Police insist "There is no right way, it's all about what works for YOU". Except it isn't about what works for you. Not on a lifestyle community level anyway. It's about what works for US as that community.

Ironically, this problem is another that seems to be entirely solved by my simply not calling what we do BDSM. Last time this happened to one of my Ladies and she told the dom where to get off, he (As would be expected I think) came to me and told me about my Ladies "Poor behaviour". The conversation went like this....


Me: "Don't you name yourself a dom, and one known for his experience and ability?"

Him: "That's right, and I don't think you're girl's behaviour was at all acceptable"

Me, giving a shrug: "Well I'm just a vanilla guy. Hell, if YOU can't handle her, I can't see how I can be expected to".

He just sort of blinked at me as I walked off.

What's needed, like it or not, is some basic, inflexible rules of engagement. Standards that are the same in Michigan and Minnesota. Kentucky and California. Until we get that far, there will always be these conflicts.