I think everyone that follows this blog is familiar with Mouse. If not, let me say I have never met her in person, but I've followed her blog for a bit, and within that context exchanged ideas and thoughts via the comments section and so on. I've also spoken via the WWW with her master, Omega. She seems a wonderful, submissive woman, he seems quite "real" and appears to have his head screwed on more-or-less straight, and for the most part both of them seem to be on the same wavelength as I am concerning relationships and how things should be done so I think I get them a little bit. Mouse' most recent post was about (And here I quote her)
" A man contacted me via email and offered his opinion on what a bad slave I am."
Now maybe this is because I have such an absolute and ironclad idea of what D/s should be (And SO is not), or maybe it's because this exact kind of thing has happened to my Ladies, or maybe I'm just a puffed up prick that doesn't understand REAL D/s. Who knows, but I feel like answering this guy.
Who in the fuck do you think you are? I know I'm taking a risk here, because I don't know anything about anything outside of Mouse' post on the topic, but I want to start with that basic question. I start there because of some basic presumptions that would have to be true for your actions to be in any way acceptable. I presume you did NOT contact Omega to ask why he allows Mouse to behave so, because if you had he would have explained things to you and you wouldn't have made such an ass of yourself. I presume you think you have enough understanding of Mouse' and Omega's relationship, not to mention a close enough personal relationship with Omega, to have a clear understanding of what Omega wants from Mouse as well as his leave to scold her on your own responsibility. I also presume you feel, and Omega agrees, that you have enough experience to be capable of instructing someone with the history and experience of Mouse. I presume that your actions do not in any way conflict with Omega's plans for Mouse and will not interfere with his achieving the goals he has for her. Of course it goes without saying that you are a personal friend of Omega's, and therefore understand perfectly what his end goal for Mouse is.
Actually, I don't presume any of that. In fact I believe you are just a limp dicked, wannabe, poser. A (So called) "man" that would treat a sub like that is the same kind of middle aged bozo that pulls up in a red sports car with a bought and paid for companion that put her collar on in the car and will be taking it off the same way this afternon. Thus the title of this post, because when I see guys like you that are so obviously compensating, I just want to say "Sorry about your penis" I can't help with that, but let me offer an alternative to your world view.
I have two Ladies. They would never hesitate to tell me when something I do irritates them. Most of the time, I even alter my actions for them. I have eliminated the word "Irk" from my vocabulary because one of the Ladies disliked that word. I have modified how I handle overseeing vehicle maintenance because one Lady was uncomfortable with my simply taking the car and modifying it or having work done to it without her direct involvement. This relates to her past and a need to be physically able to leave at any time. You have to respect how her experiences in the past make her feel right now, and you won't know that if she is afraid telling you will be a disappointment somehow. This Lady wants to know exactly when the oil is changed, when the tires are rotated, things like that. Now me? I don't want to do that stuff. But to be blunt, if I'm the boss that stuff is my JOB. Back when I called myself a dominant, I told the Ladies that submissives didn't have problems, submissives have dominants. Dominants have problems, and it's the dominants responsibility to see the problems are handled. I never cared for a minute that my Lady wanted to see to her own car care. I just never would have thought that was the case. Damned good thing she felt comfortable telling me, don't you think? Hell, if she wasn't so busy with her career, I'd assign her ALL the damned care for all the cars AND the motorcycles. Shoot, I'd put her in charge of everything right down to the lawn mowers and the weed whackers. I guess I'm just weak willed and that allows her to push me around.
Call me crazy, but I have been with one of my Ladies for over 20 years. That's right, two decades. And our partner? 9 years. I know, still just the Honeymoon, but we all have a good feeling that this will last. Just a hunch. And the crazy thing is, I believe that this success is a direct result of the fact that they are allowed to express their feelings, and I will listen. Now don't get me wrong, occasionally I just overrule them. And yes, they respect that and accede to my wishes (Usually)if I overrule them. But over all those years one thing has become extremely obvious. If they both think I'm making a mistake, I almost certainly am whether I can see it or not. I have on more than one occasion absolutely slammed on lifes brakes because they said I should. I have learned about myself, become a better person, and found new interests all because one or both of the Ladies said she wasn't happy with some choice of mine and offered an alternative. YOU mister "My slave wouldn't even THINK such a thing" are missing an awful lot. Since your "slave" would never tell you when you're being an ass, allow me point a few things out.
I don't know who you think you are, but you aren't him. First off, I don't need you undercutting my Ladies self confidence with your posturing and blabbering. I've had guys like you undo months of confidence-building work by planting the seeds of doubt in her mind. I don't coddle them. Believe me, I don't pull my punches, even the figurative ones. If she wasn't up to par, I'd say so. My Ladies don't need to have even one percent of their brain worried about what you said or trying to reconcile that opinion with what I taught them. Unfortunately, any submissive person is vulnerable to criticism, even moronic criticism. What you need to get through your skull is, they are mine. If you feel they are dressed inappropriately, acting inappropriately, or thinking inappropriately you need to remember one thing. I could not possibly care less about your opinions but I will care if you express those opinions inappropriately. If you feel slighted or offended in some way by the Ladies, you take that up with me and you do it at your own risk. I won't be coddling you either, and you're likely going to be told to get lost. But let me be very clear, if you do take it up with them you will find I've taught them exactly where the respect line is. They won't cross it, but it goes both ways. If YOU cross over it by disrespecting them the way you did Mouse, you're liable to get your ass handed to you. When that happens, do not expect me to make it all better by taking your side. The fact that you call yourself a dominant doesn't make you one, or entitle you to the respect you could earn if you managed to act like one. Not from them and certainly not from me. You are free to chat with them as you wish if they agree, but you do not directly criticize them AT ALL. Because the fact is, they choose to be with me, they don't have to be. They can leave anytime they want, and I have arranged things so that they have the income and property to be capable of doing just that. Each of them is capable of being wholly independent and self-sufficient immediately. They stay because I have a code I live by that they respect and admire, and part of that code says that as long as they wear my collar I'm responsible for them. They understand what guys like you don't seem to grasp. So long as they wear that collar I might say things they feel are critical or even insulting to them, but damned sure nobody else will.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
My response to a response to my response to....wait, whose idea was this anyway?
I just finished reading Spiriteds second response to my latest blathering in response to her, and I'm still processing all that was (re) written there. I noticed one thing absolutely screaming at me from the page, and it just boggles my mind that so many seem to not see it. Consider this one paragraph. And fair warning, I'll be using an all caps phrase soon. In this instance I actually would be yelling those words (Out of frustration) if I were speaking instead of typing, so it seems apt. Here's the quote.....
"The thing is... they had rules... it was just that the rules fit so nicely with society that you could hardly notice they were there. The rules were there for one reason and one reason alone... not to make dominants feel more dominant or submissives more submissive... they were there to protect people against someone who was intent on harming another. Those rules made sure that any predator or player would be weeded out of their community right from the start."
Exactly! The rules were there for one reason alone, to weed out anyone they saw as a "predator or player" right from the start. They were there to EXCLUDE A SPECIFIC TYPE OF PERSON, and for no other reason.
End of discussion, story finished, done deal. No PC tolerance of others, no "It's all about what works for you" crap. Those rules were there to exclude certain people from that group, period. The reason they were hardly noticeable is because they represented common shared values that all those involved wanted their society to be conducted by. I guarantee the first steely-eyed, resolute, Gorean master or hardcore, steadfast, devoted Gorean slave girl to attend would have caused all manner of disruption, because they don't want to live like the described group did.
Look, we as a group have to deal with reality. And the reality is, we are a fringe group. If we want to make any progress towards being open in society at large, we have to face the fact that we scare some people. The fact that the fear is unfounded and unnecessary is irrelevant. If we want society at large to respect us, we need to do two basic things. We need to hold to values that prioritize safety, health, and consent. We also need to then demonstrate the courage of our convictions to publicly decry anyone that takes the fantasy too far into reality. No sane and healthy human being at even the most extreme levels of submission or massochism, even if they fantasize about amputation, bone breaking, actual forced slavery, being blinded, being starved (I've heard all these by the way) actually wants to experience them, though they might enjoy the fantasy. In their attempts to live the fantasy, some folks end up at risk from those that would use their fantasies against them, or simply dont protect their partners in their own pursuit of their fantasies.
If our little counter-culture group doesn't stand up and protect it's own from those that go too far, then society will never believe they do not need to protect themselves from us. In that event, none of us will ever be free to live as we want because society at large will never see a distinction between us and the BTK serial killer who took his initials from his motto "Bind, Torture, Kill". They will believe we are all crazy and dangerous, and they will try to eliminate us in any way they can. The easiest way we as a group could protect ourselves and advance our cause is to simply have rules and be loud about them so newbies, both dom and sub, would know where the limits are. If a new dom understood he was absolutley expected to protect and care for his scene partner, even if that partnership lasts just an hour, then many fewer would take sceneing so lightly. If more new subs were told at every turn that that is what they should expect from any dom they ever play with, no exceptions, then far fewer would end up as damaged than currently do.
It really is just no harder than that. And why it is made to seem so very complicated is a mystery to me. I can only believe the "Predators and players" out there are actively promoting all this PC tolerance though, because it does nothing but enable them to continue to use and discard those that amuse them for a moment without any chance of their being any serious consequences for their actions, at least not to themselves.
"The thing is... they had rules... it was just that the rules fit so nicely with society that you could hardly notice they were there. The rules were there for one reason and one reason alone... not to make dominants feel more dominant or submissives more submissive... they were there to protect people against someone who was intent on harming another. Those rules made sure that any predator or player would be weeded out of their community right from the start."
Exactly! The rules were there for one reason alone, to weed out anyone they saw as a "predator or player" right from the start. They were there to EXCLUDE A SPECIFIC TYPE OF PERSON, and for no other reason.
End of discussion, story finished, done deal. No PC tolerance of others, no "It's all about what works for you" crap. Those rules were there to exclude certain people from that group, period. The reason they were hardly noticeable is because they represented common shared values that all those involved wanted their society to be conducted by. I guarantee the first steely-eyed, resolute, Gorean master or hardcore, steadfast, devoted Gorean slave girl to attend would have caused all manner of disruption, because they don't want to live like the described group did.
Look, we as a group have to deal with reality. And the reality is, we are a fringe group. If we want to make any progress towards being open in society at large, we have to face the fact that we scare some people. The fact that the fear is unfounded and unnecessary is irrelevant. If we want society at large to respect us, we need to do two basic things. We need to hold to values that prioritize safety, health, and consent. We also need to then demonstrate the courage of our convictions to publicly decry anyone that takes the fantasy too far into reality. No sane and healthy human being at even the most extreme levels of submission or massochism, even if they fantasize about amputation, bone breaking, actual forced slavery, being blinded, being starved (I've heard all these by the way) actually wants to experience them, though they might enjoy the fantasy. In their attempts to live the fantasy, some folks end up at risk from those that would use their fantasies against them, or simply dont protect their partners in their own pursuit of their fantasies.
If our little counter-culture group doesn't stand up and protect it's own from those that go too far, then society will never believe they do not need to protect themselves from us. In that event, none of us will ever be free to live as we want because society at large will never see a distinction between us and the BTK serial killer who took his initials from his motto "Bind, Torture, Kill". They will believe we are all crazy and dangerous, and they will try to eliminate us in any way they can. The easiest way we as a group could protect ourselves and advance our cause is to simply have rules and be loud about them so newbies, both dom and sub, would know where the limits are. If a new dom understood he was absolutley expected to protect and care for his scene partner, even if that partnership lasts just an hour, then many fewer would take sceneing so lightly. If more new subs were told at every turn that that is what they should expect from any dom they ever play with, no exceptions, then far fewer would end up as damaged than currently do.
It really is just no harder than that. And why it is made to seem so very complicated is a mystery to me. I can only believe the "Predators and players" out there are actively promoting all this PC tolerance though, because it does nothing but enable them to continue to use and discard those that amuse them for a moment without any chance of their being any serious consequences for their actions, at least not to themselves.
Monday, February 15, 2010
See? It ought to just be done my way....
Saw this on Spiriteds blog (Spirited Meanderings), and it made me think to post.
What would you do if confronted by a dom of the oppisite sex?
That's a very difficult question to answer in general terms. It would really depend on his intentions. I'm an owned slave and I don't have much respect for Doms who do not respect that. I also do not respect Doms who automatically think I will submit to them just because I'm submissive. To me, they are not Doms, but boys trying to pretend to be dominants.
To dominants who approach me in a disrespectful manner, I usually as calmly as possible tell them what I think of their behavior and just walk away. If they are being respectful, though, and just want to talk or have questions they want to ask me... then I have no issues with that.
The reason I decided to post is, this type of situation is a perfect example of why "The community" needs to have specific expectations and definitions of what is done. The reason any "Confrontation" would occur it seems to me, is because each party expects the other has their same values and expectations of one another. Spirited seems to feel she has no duty, obligation, or expectation to offer more than minimal courtesy to a dom confronting her, something I get the sense she would offer pretty much any human. I know another person though, that claims he is dom, is NOT Gorean, but does seem to honestly feel that women are property to be used as a man sees fit, that all women owe obeissence to a man simply based on gender, and that small tasks such as fetching drinks or food is something any woman should do at the request of pretty much any man. Larger tasks such as sexual "Use" he would negotiate with her "Owner" and she would simply be informed of what was expected, or even simply handed over and used without any explanation. This person was articulate, polite, and made a pretty strong argument.
I happen to think this type of person is the most dangerous to the lifestyle, since an articulate, intellectually capable fool is much harder to spot or counter than the typical shit-for-brains fool one normally stumbles over in the "Scene"You know, the guy with the flogger molded into his back pocket, falls dangling down his thigh? But see, here's the problem, I'm guessing Spirited feels the dom-in-question is rude, arrogant, and lacks an understanding of what the lifestyle is all about. But stop for a minute and think. The dom almost certainly feels the same things about her. And the reason is that neither of them can be told that their way is not the right way, because the PC Police insist "There is no right way, it's all about what works for YOU". Except it isn't about what works for you. Not on a lifestyle community level anyway. It's about what works for US as that community.
Ironically, this problem is another that seems to be entirely solved by my simply not calling what we do BDSM. Last time this happened to one of my Ladies and she told the dom where to get off, he (As would be expected I think) came to me and told me about my Ladies "Poor behaviour". The conversation went like this....
Me: "Don't you name yourself a dom, and one known for his experience and ability?"
Him: "That's right, and I don't think you're girl's behaviour was at all acceptable"
Me, giving a shrug: "Well I'm just a vanilla guy. Hell, if YOU can't handle her, I can't see how I can be expected to".
He just sort of blinked at me as I walked off.
What's needed, like it or not, is some basic, inflexible rules of engagement. Standards that are the same in Michigan and Minnesota. Kentucky and California. Until we get that far, there will always be these conflicts.
What would you do if confronted by a dom of the oppisite sex?
That's a very difficult question to answer in general terms. It would really depend on his intentions. I'm an owned slave and I don't have much respect for Doms who do not respect that. I also do not respect Doms who automatically think I will submit to them just because I'm submissive. To me, they are not Doms, but boys trying to pretend to be dominants.
To dominants who approach me in a disrespectful manner, I usually as calmly as possible tell them what I think of their behavior and just walk away. If they are being respectful, though, and just want to talk or have questions they want to ask me... then I have no issues with that.
The reason I decided to post is, this type of situation is a perfect example of why "The community" needs to have specific expectations and definitions of what is done. The reason any "Confrontation" would occur it seems to me, is because each party expects the other has their same values and expectations of one another. Spirited seems to feel she has no duty, obligation, or expectation to offer more than minimal courtesy to a dom confronting her, something I get the sense she would offer pretty much any human. I know another person though, that claims he is dom, is NOT Gorean, but does seem to honestly feel that women are property to be used as a man sees fit, that all women owe obeissence to a man simply based on gender, and that small tasks such as fetching drinks or food is something any woman should do at the request of pretty much any man. Larger tasks such as sexual "Use" he would negotiate with her "Owner" and she would simply be informed of what was expected, or even simply handed over and used without any explanation. This person was articulate, polite, and made a pretty strong argument.
I happen to think this type of person is the most dangerous to the lifestyle, since an articulate, intellectually capable fool is much harder to spot or counter than the typical shit-for-brains fool one normally stumbles over in the "Scene"You know, the guy with the flogger molded into his back pocket, falls dangling down his thigh? But see, here's the problem, I'm guessing Spirited feels the dom-in-question is rude, arrogant, and lacks an understanding of what the lifestyle is all about. But stop for a minute and think. The dom almost certainly feels the same things about her. And the reason is that neither of them can be told that their way is not the right way, because the PC Police insist "There is no right way, it's all about what works for YOU". Except it isn't about what works for you. Not on a lifestyle community level anyway. It's about what works for US as that community.
Ironically, this problem is another that seems to be entirely solved by my simply not calling what we do BDSM. Last time this happened to one of my Ladies and she told the dom where to get off, he (As would be expected I think) came to me and told me about my Ladies "Poor behaviour". The conversation went like this....
Me: "Don't you name yourself a dom, and one known for his experience and ability?"
Him: "That's right, and I don't think you're girl's behaviour was at all acceptable"
Me, giving a shrug: "Well I'm just a vanilla guy. Hell, if YOU can't handle her, I can't see how I can be expected to".
He just sort of blinked at me as I walked off.
What's needed, like it or not, is some basic, inflexible rules of engagement. Standards that are the same in Michigan and Minnesota. Kentucky and California. Until we get that far, there will always be these conflicts.
Friday, February 12, 2010
Just to share...
Just wanted to share the wit of one of my Ladies. She's reading some bodice-ripper romance novel, and in that novel there is a description which she shared with me of a gentlemen interesting to our ladyfaire main character. I will relate the conversation as it went.
She, reading aloud: "She thought, too, of his tall athletic figure, his strong jaw and cleft chin, his chocolate brown eyes".
Me, wretching slightly: "Stop it, or I'll send you out to make dinner right now and not let you finish that chapter! I suppose this fellow has a pecker that thumps him solidly in the chest as it rises!"
She, all deadpan and innocent: "Where did you suppose the cleft in his chin comes from?"
I just love her!!
She, reading aloud: "She thought, too, of his tall athletic figure, his strong jaw and cleft chin, his chocolate brown eyes".
Me, wretching slightly: "Stop it, or I'll send you out to make dinner right now and not let you finish that chapter! I suppose this fellow has a pecker that thumps him solidly in the chest as it rises!"
She, all deadpan and innocent: "Where did you suppose the cleft in his chin comes from?"
I just love her!!
There's a joke that goes like this.....
There's a joke that goes like this: "What do you call a man with two wives?"
Answer: "Insane!"
An aquaintance was discussing my lifestyle today, and it was clear he didn't really understand it. It was mentioned that I don't come off as a "Dom" kind of guy in the sense that I don't flaunt my relationship with two women, I don't act all that cocky, and blah blah blah. Something that made me laugh was when I was told I don't spout off about "My bitches" and so on. I thought I'd write a post for those just considering trying it about how it really is going to work, so they will know what they are getting into.
First off, if you are very lucky each woman will compromise about half of the time. Since there are three of you and each of them is taking turns, YOU will be compromising every time. Oh, you'll get some of what you want. At least in one sense that's what a compromise is. But when one lady wants to buy a new car in trade for the 17 year old beater you have, another wants the down payment money spent on new living room furniture to replace the stained and sagging stuff you've raised the kid on, and your hope was to get a little caught up on the credit cards, YOU will have no chance. This is true because as the team lead you really only have two options. You can disappoint one of them or you can disappoint both of them. How many women do you want sulking and pouting for the next couple of weeks? How many women do you want to catch heaving a patient sigh while casting longing looks at the object of their desire that you denied them. One, or two?
Well?
Not a difficult question is it?
Further, since you are the highest authority, it is your responsibility to see to it that they are keeping their lives straight (You know, in all the spare time you have outside keeping your own life straight). You have to make sure the cars get serviced, the household appliances are maintained, and that the driveway is passable after two feet of snow falls. You have to be at the medical appointments so you know what's going on, at the various family functions (Where you will be at your MOST charming at all times, even when insulted, because aunt Martha already hates your living arrangements), and at every school play, ball game, and orchestra concert where you will meet the teachers and mingle with the other parents. As family CEO, everything right down to everyone being up on time for work and school, and creating the bathroom shower schedule that can accomplish that, is ultimately your responsibility. You won't be spending a lot of time watching the game on the big screen with one scantily-clad babe running for beers while the other kneels holding the chips and dip for you demurely. You'll be (Do you see it coming?) slaving away.
Granted, you can stamp your foot and say "I'm the boss and we'll do it my way!" anytime you want, but you won't have a successful happy relationship. Real women don't put up with that shit forever, and most not for long. Some pack up and leave, others will eventually just kill themselves out of hopelessness, but they'll leave you one way or another. And one way or the other, a woman generally leaves a mess behind for you to deal with.
So basically the reality is this. You will work twice as hard at the relationship as any other man you know, and you will spend twice as much money doing it. You will compromise more often, get your own way much less, and unless you have one big-ass house you will be using the bathroom only when you are allowed to. You will have double the chance of forgetting a birthday or anniversary, in fact twice as many details of all types to keep up on. Oh, and you will have two "Her mom"s to deal with in some fashion.
Why do it? Well, you know that warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you overhear your current partner bragging about you to a friend? Or when you come home from a long day and she's made your favorite meal? Or the pride when she solo's at a task you taught her how to do? That kind of thing?
Yeah, I get that twice as much.
Whenever anyone asks me about living this way, I quote the character Kay from the movie Men in Black, when he was asked if trading his whole life for that other one was worth it.
"Oh yeah! It's worth it. If you're strong enough."
Answer: "Insane!"
An aquaintance was discussing my lifestyle today, and it was clear he didn't really understand it. It was mentioned that I don't come off as a "Dom" kind of guy in the sense that I don't flaunt my relationship with two women, I don't act all that cocky, and blah blah blah. Something that made me laugh was when I was told I don't spout off about "My bitches" and so on. I thought I'd write a post for those just considering trying it about how it really is going to work, so they will know what they are getting into.
First off, if you are very lucky each woman will compromise about half of the time. Since there are three of you and each of them is taking turns, YOU will be compromising every time. Oh, you'll get some of what you want. At least in one sense that's what a compromise is. But when one lady wants to buy a new car in trade for the 17 year old beater you have, another wants the down payment money spent on new living room furniture to replace the stained and sagging stuff you've raised the kid on, and your hope was to get a little caught up on the credit cards, YOU will have no chance. This is true because as the team lead you really only have two options. You can disappoint one of them or you can disappoint both of them. How many women do you want sulking and pouting for the next couple of weeks? How many women do you want to catch heaving a patient sigh while casting longing looks at the object of their desire that you denied them. One, or two?
Well?
Not a difficult question is it?
Further, since you are the highest authority, it is your responsibility to see to it that they are keeping their lives straight (You know, in all the spare time you have outside keeping your own life straight). You have to make sure the cars get serviced, the household appliances are maintained, and that the driveway is passable after two feet of snow falls. You have to be at the medical appointments so you know what's going on, at the various family functions (Where you will be at your MOST charming at all times, even when insulted, because aunt Martha already hates your living arrangements), and at every school play, ball game, and orchestra concert where you will meet the teachers and mingle with the other parents. As family CEO, everything right down to everyone being up on time for work and school, and creating the bathroom shower schedule that can accomplish that, is ultimately your responsibility. You won't be spending a lot of time watching the game on the big screen with one scantily-clad babe running for beers while the other kneels holding the chips and dip for you demurely. You'll be (Do you see it coming?) slaving away.
Granted, you can stamp your foot and say "I'm the boss and we'll do it my way!" anytime you want, but you won't have a successful happy relationship. Real women don't put up with that shit forever, and most not for long. Some pack up and leave, others will eventually just kill themselves out of hopelessness, but they'll leave you one way or another. And one way or the other, a woman generally leaves a mess behind for you to deal with.
So basically the reality is this. You will work twice as hard at the relationship as any other man you know, and you will spend twice as much money doing it. You will compromise more often, get your own way much less, and unless you have one big-ass house you will be using the bathroom only when you are allowed to. You will have double the chance of forgetting a birthday or anniversary, in fact twice as many details of all types to keep up on. Oh, and you will have two "Her mom"s to deal with in some fashion.
Why do it? Well, you know that warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you overhear your current partner bragging about you to a friend? Or when you come home from a long day and she's made your favorite meal? Or the pride when she solo's at a task you taught her how to do? That kind of thing?
Yeah, I get that twice as much.
Whenever anyone asks me about living this way, I quote the character Kay from the movie Men in Black, when he was asked if trading his whole life for that other one was worth it.
"Oh yeah! It's worth it. If you're strong enough."
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Iyam what Iyam, you be too.
So in an effort to distract myself from my real problems, I have been reading about "D/s" relationships a bit. I've been seeing submissives talking about being "trained". They present themselves as a blank canvass or fresh clay from which the dom can make anything he desires. They claim that all they want is a man that will make them into whatever it is that he wants, so that they can be pleasing to him. Just for entertainment value I thought I'd post.
First off, submissives you have the right to seek whatever will make you happy, but not the right to complain if you get it. Far too often in my experience I have heard a woman ask for a man to make her anything he desires and then complain that he is not accepting her for who she is. To them I say this; if you offer yourself as no more than a pretty container that can be filled with whatever he would like, you are likely to get a man that likes the color of your eyes and the length of your legs and expects he can change everything else about you. You will be expected to cut and color your hair, maintain a certain figure, and learn to enjoy certain acts while never desiring others because that will suit his taste and your own is of no importance. That is what he was offered, so that’s what he expects. I grant you only one small concession, and that is that I believe the man should have ascertained more accurately what you were really offering before accepting you, and in that way it would be his fault. But understand even there that what I am saying is that you were nothing but a poor choice to begin with because you were either not honest about what you wanted, or not as self aware as you presented yourself as being. It will be the doms’ mistake, but his mistake will be in having believed you.
Now the rest of this is simply about my personal taste. I enjoy the full richness of a woman as a person. I don't want a toy, I want a partner. I want someone that meshes with me like a puzzle piece and adds to my life as I add to hers. What attracts me is someone that has her own experiences to share with me, new ways to please me, and skills I don't possess but that would benefit me greatly. To be honest, having to "train" her to much kind of ruins it for me. I don't want to learn what pleases her so that I can be sure to do it without regard to what I want, and I don't want to teach her to like every single thing I like while disregarding her own opinions. I want us to coincidentally like at least some of the same things. I don't mind at all if she expresses preferences and favorite activities. I don't mind at all offering my ideas and experiences while exploring an interest of hers that we share but that she has no experience with. I want it to be a natural flow though, not a forced routine that’s performed, even if it’s performed well. It’s my opinion that if the woman enjoys specific activities or pleasures, she ought to just be honest and let her partner know, D/s or not, and she should be respected even as he is obeyed. It really doesn't bother me that I didn't teach her EVERYTHING she knows, and usually the submissive seems pleased to be able to offer me something that is from her alone. Don’t get me wrong, I expect to change her, to help her learn (I prefer “Teach” to “Train”) But I want to add to all the positive things that are already there. Because there's really no way a woman is a blank canvass in this aspect of life. Anyone old enough to even be reading this blog about the topics we discuss is going to have lived enough life to have had experiences that affected and shaped them. Those experiences are the foundation of who a person is. That's what should be offered to a life partner, because that's what enriches a life.
First off, submissives you have the right to seek whatever will make you happy, but not the right to complain if you get it. Far too often in my experience I have heard a woman ask for a man to make her anything he desires and then complain that he is not accepting her for who she is. To them I say this; if you offer yourself as no more than a pretty container that can be filled with whatever he would like, you are likely to get a man that likes the color of your eyes and the length of your legs and expects he can change everything else about you. You will be expected to cut and color your hair, maintain a certain figure, and learn to enjoy certain acts while never desiring others because that will suit his taste and your own is of no importance. That is what he was offered, so that’s what he expects. I grant you only one small concession, and that is that I believe the man should have ascertained more accurately what you were really offering before accepting you, and in that way it would be his fault. But understand even there that what I am saying is that you were nothing but a poor choice to begin with because you were either not honest about what you wanted, or not as self aware as you presented yourself as being. It will be the doms’ mistake, but his mistake will be in having believed you.
Now the rest of this is simply about my personal taste. I enjoy the full richness of a woman as a person. I don't want a toy, I want a partner. I want someone that meshes with me like a puzzle piece and adds to my life as I add to hers. What attracts me is someone that has her own experiences to share with me, new ways to please me, and skills I don't possess but that would benefit me greatly. To be honest, having to "train" her to much kind of ruins it for me. I don't want to learn what pleases her so that I can be sure to do it without regard to what I want, and I don't want to teach her to like every single thing I like while disregarding her own opinions. I want us to coincidentally like at least some of the same things. I don't mind at all if she expresses preferences and favorite activities. I don't mind at all offering my ideas and experiences while exploring an interest of hers that we share but that she has no experience with. I want it to be a natural flow though, not a forced routine that’s performed, even if it’s performed well. It’s my opinion that if the woman enjoys specific activities or pleasures, she ought to just be honest and let her partner know, D/s or not, and she should be respected even as he is obeyed. It really doesn't bother me that I didn't teach her EVERYTHING she knows, and usually the submissive seems pleased to be able to offer me something that is from her alone. Don’t get me wrong, I expect to change her, to help her learn (I prefer “Teach” to “Train”) But I want to add to all the positive things that are already there. Because there's really no way a woman is a blank canvass in this aspect of life. Anyone old enough to even be reading this blog about the topics we discuss is going to have lived enough life to have had experiences that affected and shaped them. Those experiences are the foundation of who a person is. That's what should be offered to a life partner, because that's what enriches a life.
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