This post will reveal to an extent my political bent, or at least many of you will likely think it does. So you've been warned, if you aren't willing to go there, don't. Leave now while you can still think well of me, lol.
First I suppose you should know this is pretty much the most public electronic contact I have with the outside world. I don't Tweet, I don't have a Facebook page, or any of that stuff. My Ladies do, and more power to them, I just don't see the need. One thing this avoids in my experience is the online backhanded comment. That's where someone tries to slide in an insulting shot by virtue of an ostensibly innocent social network site comment knowing you'll see it if they do. Most people let those things slide. Most people.
So the other day one of my Ladies is reading her friend's facebook comments, and this friend made a comment I'm sure we've all heard before to the effect of "I can't understand how so many people can claim to be kinky AND conservative at the same time". My Lady saw this, apparently felt it was pointed at her (I can tell you I don't know it was, but it's easily possible it was exactly that) and shot back "And I can't understand how so many people can claim to be liberal and conscious at the same time". I laughed so hard my eyes were tearing up. She doesn't let anyone push her around, that one, I can promise you. The irony of it all is that, of the two, she's not the tough one.
No long post here, I just wanted to share. Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy Hanukkah, and Merry Kwanzaa. And if I still missed you, I hope you're happy too, with a very few exceptions. That's it for tonight.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Hello again
Just to let my followers know, my computer crashed and my life situation was extremely demanding to begin with. I have aquired a used computer that is plainly cranky. The Ladies are a bit high maintenance lately, but it's justified and deserved. That's where I've been and am at. I'll be back to the blog shortly, assuming no new disasters befall us that I have to react to. I hope all had a nice Halloween and Thanksgiving.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Is this what they mean by "Bitch slap"?
So, have you seen the Dove Soap commercial about how the model get’s on the billboard? I think it’s called the evolution of beauty. You can see it here…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2gD80jv5ZQ
I stumbled acrossed this and a few others. WOW! That’s all I can say. No wonder we have such issues in women’s health. I’ve been thinking about how the “Vanilla” world treats women. Not just D/s women, but all of them. Ever think about the subtle messages that society sends? Based on paying attention to the commercials, products offered, and news stories I’ve seen in the last couple of weeks, here is what I now know about the female ideal.
If in front view your stomach is smooth and flat but does not display a six-pack, you are overweight.
If in side view your hip bones are not the forward-most part of your body you are overweight.
If in side view your hip bones are the forward-most part of your body you are anorexic.
Stretch marks must never be seen.
You have failed in life if you do not have children.
Your bust line should not be smaller than a 36d, but not larger than a 38dd.
You should have hips no wider than 36 inches, but somehow an ass no wider than 30 inches.
Your skin can not have a wrinkle, scar, sun spot, or freckle.
(A whole array of signs and signals is covered by this one) Your hair must look and feel entirely natural, but can not under any circumstances behave naturally.
(This one too) You smell. Bad. Fortunately there is an arsenal of products to overcome this.
If you do not enjoy casual sex you are a prude.
If you do enjoy casual sex you are a slut.
Your nude body, pictures of your nude body, and descriptions in literature of your body are all obscene. These are rightfully banned as sinful and harmful to society. The fact that you’ve somehow met every one of the above impossible goals notwithstanding.
I think I’ll go tell the Ladies they’re strikingly gorgeous and give them each a hug.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s2gD80jv5ZQ
I stumbled acrossed this and a few others. WOW! That’s all I can say. No wonder we have such issues in women’s health. I’ve been thinking about how the “Vanilla” world treats women. Not just D/s women, but all of them. Ever think about the subtle messages that society sends? Based on paying attention to the commercials, products offered, and news stories I’ve seen in the last couple of weeks, here is what I now know about the female ideal.
If in front view your stomach is smooth and flat but does not display a six-pack, you are overweight.
If in side view your hip bones are not the forward-most part of your body you are overweight.
If in side view your hip bones are the forward-most part of your body you are anorexic.
Stretch marks must never be seen.
You have failed in life if you do not have children.
Your bust line should not be smaller than a 36d, but not larger than a 38dd.
You should have hips no wider than 36 inches, but somehow an ass no wider than 30 inches.
Your skin can not have a wrinkle, scar, sun spot, or freckle.
(A whole array of signs and signals is covered by this one) Your hair must look and feel entirely natural, but can not under any circumstances behave naturally.
(This one too) You smell. Bad. Fortunately there is an arsenal of products to overcome this.
If you do not enjoy casual sex you are a prude.
If you do enjoy casual sex you are a slut.
Your nude body, pictures of your nude body, and descriptions in literature of your body are all obscene. These are rightfully banned as sinful and harmful to society. The fact that you’ve somehow met every one of the above impossible goals notwithstanding.
I think I’ll go tell the Ladies they’re strikingly gorgeous and give them each a hug.
Obligations
This was motivated by my thoughts on Spirited Meanderings' post "Slavery Is Not About Abuse". If you haven't read it, I think you should. It's here,
http://spiritedmeanderings.blogspot.com/2009/10/slavery-is-not-about-abuse.html
In the post, she offered the following thoughts (I've edited it for my use, but the idea is still the same).....
It really bothers me when I see other slaves talking about things that their Masters do with them. Things that are neither safe nor sane. Things that can cause potential harm (physically and mentally), which means their Master is not caring for them the way he is obligated to... yes, obligated. When a slave surrenders herself to her Master, it is his "responsibility" to look out for her well being.
What makes it worse is when I hear a slave in those kinds of situations say "He's my Master and I'll do whatever he tells me to"......one was one girl who had said that her life belongs to her Master. If he decided that she should die, then she would........You know what? Fuck that... seriously people! One man (or woman) has no right to play with the lives of people that way.
I have a hard time dealing with stupidity. I hate people who can take a beautiful lifestyle that I find joy in and turn it into something that I wouldn't wish on my worse enemy.
I couldn't agree more with these sentiments! I believe that for every "Bill of Rights" ever created there should also exist a "Writ of Responsibility". This would spell out the rights given AND the responsibilities the possession and exercise of such rights requires in exchange.
It sometimes seems the antithesis of responsible control is modern D/s. The idea that a dom has any obligation whatsoever to the submissive is rejected with the argument that "She agreed to it". This argument seems to me to be plain stupid. The people that make such an argument will inevitably offer two other "Standard rules" about the D/s lifestyle. These are...
1) "The submissive is owned property and therefore has no right to refuse an order given by the dom even in an effort to protect herself from harm." The idea being the dom has every right to harm or even kill the sub, yet somehow has no responsibility for her safety.
2) "If you expect to be accepted by the community you have to accept others in that community." My answer to that was to leave the community. I have no desire to be acceptable to the kind of people I can't, won’t, and don’t accept.
In considering the points made though, I did see one thing I agreed with that Spirited did not. The submissive who claimed her life belonged to her master I suggest was correct. However, this leads us back to the point about responsibility and obligation. No submissive would willingly give her life to a master that would not respect that gift. I simply can not be made to believe that she offers her life to be thoughtlessly wasted or foolishly squandered if he so chooses. She offers the gift with the reasonable expectation that it will be cherished as it deserves to be. In my opinion, the master has an unquestioned and unavoidable responsibility to protect the submissives' life just as he does his own, and in all ways. Her health, her job skills, her ability to operate in society, her peace of mind and level of contentment with her life, all are the masters’ responsibility. If she is failing in any way, it is he who bears the blame. It's a simple if-then situation. If her life is truly his, then any and all life failures are his as well. If he isn’t prepared to accept that level of responsibility, he has no right to any level of control over her life.
http://spiritedmeanderings.blogspot.com/2009/10/slavery-is-not-about-abuse.html
In the post, she offered the following thoughts (I've edited it for my use, but the idea is still the same).....
It really bothers me when I see other slaves talking about things that their Masters do with them. Things that are neither safe nor sane. Things that can cause potential harm (physically and mentally), which means their Master is not caring for them the way he is obligated to... yes, obligated. When a slave surrenders herself to her Master, it is his "responsibility" to look out for her well being.
What makes it worse is when I hear a slave in those kinds of situations say "He's my Master and I'll do whatever he tells me to"......one was one girl who had said that her life belongs to her Master. If he decided that she should die, then she would........You know what? Fuck that... seriously people! One man (or woman) has no right to play with the lives of people that way.
I have a hard time dealing with stupidity. I hate people who can take a beautiful lifestyle that I find joy in and turn it into something that I wouldn't wish on my worse enemy.
I couldn't agree more with these sentiments! I believe that for every "Bill of Rights" ever created there should also exist a "Writ of Responsibility". This would spell out the rights given AND the responsibilities the possession and exercise of such rights requires in exchange.
It sometimes seems the antithesis of responsible control is modern D/s. The idea that a dom has any obligation whatsoever to the submissive is rejected with the argument that "She agreed to it". This argument seems to me to be plain stupid. The people that make such an argument will inevitably offer two other "Standard rules" about the D/s lifestyle. These are...
1) "The submissive is owned property and therefore has no right to refuse an order given by the dom even in an effort to protect herself from harm." The idea being the dom has every right to harm or even kill the sub, yet somehow has no responsibility for her safety.
2) "If you expect to be accepted by the community you have to accept others in that community." My answer to that was to leave the community. I have no desire to be acceptable to the kind of people I can't, won’t, and don’t accept.
In considering the points made though, I did see one thing I agreed with that Spirited did not. The submissive who claimed her life belonged to her master I suggest was correct. However, this leads us back to the point about responsibility and obligation. No submissive would willingly give her life to a master that would not respect that gift. I simply can not be made to believe that she offers her life to be thoughtlessly wasted or foolishly squandered if he so chooses. She offers the gift with the reasonable expectation that it will be cherished as it deserves to be. In my opinion, the master has an unquestioned and unavoidable responsibility to protect the submissives' life just as he does his own, and in all ways. Her health, her job skills, her ability to operate in society, her peace of mind and level of contentment with her life, all are the masters’ responsibility. If she is failing in any way, it is he who bears the blame. It's a simple if-then situation. If her life is truly his, then any and all life failures are his as well. If he isn’t prepared to accept that level of responsibility, he has no right to any level of control over her life.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Why does everything have to be dark?
One of the things I’ve never liked about D/s as I’ve seen it presented, in fact one of the things that causes me to think it must not be what I do, is that everything is dark and evil. I’m not dark and evil. My Ladies aren’t dark and evil. They are bright and shiny and joyous to me. I hope I’m that to them. Why can’t D/s be that?
I realize normally I write a novel, but this time I have nothing more to add. My Ladies and our relationship are nothing but good to me, it’s the rest of my life that is dark and difficult. Ecstatic, Joyous, thrilling, uplifting, bright and happy, why isn’t D/s described like that?
I realize normally I write a novel, but this time I have nothing more to add. My Ladies and our relationship are nothing but good to me, it’s the rest of my life that is dark and difficult. Ecstatic, Joyous, thrilling, uplifting, bright and happy, why isn’t D/s described like that?
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Referring to the "I'm hard to offend" post
Well, this started out as a response to JZ under the “I’m hard to offend” post, but ever since JZ posted her latest thoughts I can’t seem to post. The difficulty is ONLY on that one post. I think JZ was just trying to get the last word by sabotaging my blog with her Techno-Ninja Computer Blogging skills. HA HA, I will just start a new post!! If you haven’t read that post, you might want to refer to it and the comments first, then read this.
I had said that in debating a topic, if I win the debate it adds validity to my ideas. I don't seem to be able to express what I mean about convincing someone or getting them to agree with me. For one thing, it's more about them NOT being able to make me agree with them. Let’s say a person I have observed and that I personally believe has a deep understanding of the kind of relationship we are discussing (Whatever they choose to call it) has a specific point of view. If when that person and I discuss the relationship we agree for the most part, then I gain more confidence in my view because I feel like they know what they are talking about and we agree. If it's a group of that type of people, so much the better. If we are discussing an aspect of relationships that I am uncertain or undecided about, then that helps shape my own opinions and I have confidence in those opinions, especially if they mesh with my own instinct on the topic. Now JZ I want to use you as the example, I hope you don’t mind. You've described yourself to me as submissive but in no way slave. Obviously we don't really know each other, but based on what I've experienced via your written opinions, I can accept that. If most people claimed someone with your attitudes and opinions could make a good slave I’d not believe it. However, if YOU were to tell me that, I now have a personal conflict. I respect your opinions and would consider them informed and generally trustworthy and accurate, but the one just offered flies directly in the face of everything I believe. So I would invite you to make your case, I'd offer my deeply held beliefs on any point that we disagree with, and you would need to knock those beliefs down with your logical arguments. If you could convince me that you were even possibly correct I might well change my opinion based solely on your statements. If you couldn't, I'd have to conclude that my opinion was correct all along. Even if we part agreeing to disagree, that adds ....validity, substance, whatever you want to call it...to my opinion in my own head, because someone that knew as much as you, had not been able to show me the flaw in my thinking. No flaw means no mistake, at least so far in that search for truth you mentioned.
I'm still not certain I'm accurately describing what I mean, but that's the best I can do for now. However (And this is in a way a "Eureka" moment of it's own) You're correct in your statement that I think I'm right to start with when I offer an opinion in a post. In that way I can see your point that I appear to be trying to "Convince you" as you say. Actually, I just don't care if I convert others. However, it occurs to me that maybe it would be more effective to ask for further explanation rather than point out my perceived flaws in their logic. I'll try that. Bear with me, it will mean changing a 30 year old method of debate I was taught as a child.
AS I said, Greengirl and Mouse have been very helpful. Both pointed out in comments to another post that they use "Dominant" as an adjective. Everyone I've ever had even so much as a serious conversation with represents it as a noun. I hear it used as in "He is my dom", and in that context the word appears to me to be a noun being used to describe a specific, and SINGLE, thing. An expectation of seeing that thing is created. If I say "I'll bring my boat” what do you expect to see? A water vehicle. Variations exist, but the word boat at the least means a class of things that share common traits. I can arrive with a pontoon boat, a ski boat or a paddle boat, but those are verifiable boats. If I show up with a 1959 Cadillac you’ll probably immediately understand “boat” was slang, but it would still be a momentary surprise. If I show up with a 500 cc Honda motorcycle, you're just plain going to think “That’s not a boat” now aren't you? By the same token, I sometimes think “That’s no dom”.
You point out that maybe this experiment will fail because no one wants to argue their case, or just won’t see the need. I’m usually pretty clear about the purpose of the blog. I consider it more about legitimate debate than arguing, but I do see what you mean. If this source dries up because no one was willing to pursue the goals I have for the blog because they don’t like my technique, then it wasn’t much use and therefore no loss.
Take your time with the rewrite, and I hope you enjoyed your weekend.
Tomcat};{>
I had said that in debating a topic, if I win the debate it adds validity to my ideas. I don't seem to be able to express what I mean about convincing someone or getting them to agree with me. For one thing, it's more about them NOT being able to make me agree with them. Let’s say a person I have observed and that I personally believe has a deep understanding of the kind of relationship we are discussing (Whatever they choose to call it) has a specific point of view. If when that person and I discuss the relationship we agree for the most part, then I gain more confidence in my view because I feel like they know what they are talking about and we agree. If it's a group of that type of people, so much the better. If we are discussing an aspect of relationships that I am uncertain or undecided about, then that helps shape my own opinions and I have confidence in those opinions, especially if they mesh with my own instinct on the topic. Now JZ I want to use you as the example, I hope you don’t mind. You've described yourself to me as submissive but in no way slave. Obviously we don't really know each other, but based on what I've experienced via your written opinions, I can accept that. If most people claimed someone with your attitudes and opinions could make a good slave I’d not believe it. However, if YOU were to tell me that, I now have a personal conflict. I respect your opinions and would consider them informed and generally trustworthy and accurate, but the one just offered flies directly in the face of everything I believe. So I would invite you to make your case, I'd offer my deeply held beliefs on any point that we disagree with, and you would need to knock those beliefs down with your logical arguments. If you could convince me that you were even possibly correct I might well change my opinion based solely on your statements. If you couldn't, I'd have to conclude that my opinion was correct all along. Even if we part agreeing to disagree, that adds ....validity, substance, whatever you want to call it...to my opinion in my own head, because someone that knew as much as you, had not been able to show me the flaw in my thinking. No flaw means no mistake, at least so far in that search for truth you mentioned.
I'm still not certain I'm accurately describing what I mean, but that's the best I can do for now. However (And this is in a way a "Eureka" moment of it's own) You're correct in your statement that I think I'm right to start with when I offer an opinion in a post. In that way I can see your point that I appear to be trying to "Convince you" as you say. Actually, I just don't care if I convert others. However, it occurs to me that maybe it would be more effective to ask for further explanation rather than point out my perceived flaws in their logic. I'll try that. Bear with me, it will mean changing a 30 year old method of debate I was taught as a child.
AS I said, Greengirl and Mouse have been very helpful. Both pointed out in comments to another post that they use "Dominant" as an adjective. Everyone I've ever had even so much as a serious conversation with represents it as a noun. I hear it used as in "He is my dom", and in that context the word appears to me to be a noun being used to describe a specific, and SINGLE, thing. An expectation of seeing that thing is created. If I say "I'll bring my boat” what do you expect to see? A water vehicle. Variations exist, but the word boat at the least means a class of things that share common traits. I can arrive with a pontoon boat, a ski boat or a paddle boat, but those are verifiable boats. If I show up with a 1959 Cadillac you’ll probably immediately understand “boat” was slang, but it would still be a momentary surprise. If I show up with a 500 cc Honda motorcycle, you're just plain going to think “That’s not a boat” now aren't you? By the same token, I sometimes think “That’s no dom”.
You point out that maybe this experiment will fail because no one wants to argue their case, or just won’t see the need. I’m usually pretty clear about the purpose of the blog. I consider it more about legitimate debate than arguing, but I do see what you mean. If this source dries up because no one was willing to pursue the goals I have for the blog because they don’t like my technique, then it wasn’t much use and therefore no loss.
Take your time with the rewrite, and I hope you enjoyed your weekend.
Tomcat};{>
Friday, October 2, 2009
I'm ugly
I'm writing this in response to something Greengirl posted in her blog. That post concerned women and their often negative perceptions of their bodies. Ive heard this from lots of women. Some not stereotypically attractive, and some just plain stunning. At first I thought "I know just what she means". But in fact I realize I don't because when women say this they invariably mean they personally are undesirable, and so they wonder why their man didn't choose a different woman. Now me? I don't get male attractiveness or eroticism in general. When I cuddle her she's soft and smooth to the touch. When I go down on her she trembles at first and then maybe kicks and thrashes, but I hold her down and keep going at my own pace, then I enter her and she's so silken and hot, clutching me with her internal muscles, taking me all the way in. Then I think about it from her point of view......
When she goes down on me she's forcing me into her throat, often until she chokes herself. If she really gets me going I might unconsciously grab her head and control her motions. When she reaches up to encourage me, she grabs a furry ass with which to guide my member deeper into her already struggling throat until my hairy crotch is grinding her cheeks. When she allows me to enter her, I penetrate into her, INSIDE of her. I have always taken a womans word that she enjoys this, but I can never imagine it feeling anything but painful. Yup, the more I think about it, the more sense lesbians make to me. I can't imagine why a woman would find me attractive, I'm male. Ick.
When she goes down on me she's forcing me into her throat, often until she chokes herself. If she really gets me going I might unconsciously grab her head and control her motions. When she reaches up to encourage me, she grabs a furry ass with which to guide my member deeper into her already struggling throat until my hairy crotch is grinding her cheeks. When she allows me to enter her, I penetrate into her, INSIDE of her. I have always taken a womans word that she enjoys this, but I can never imagine it feeling anything but painful. Yup, the more I think about it, the more sense lesbians make to me. I can't imagine why a woman would find me attractive, I'm male. Ick.
Actually it's hard to offend me, and if you do you'll know.
Hi Ho!
Just wanted to let the few here know. It's actually hard to offend me. And if you do you will not wonder if you did, it will be real clear. Now there have been occasions where people went from my "Well respected" list to my "Too stupid to deal with" list in one fell swoop, but if someone does that it will be painless because I won't be offended, I'll just be done interacting with them. I had a woman tell me once that my trouble was not that it was hard to read between the lines of what I said to get to what I really meant, but rather that I didn't use lines and instead smacked people in the face with the truth, at least as I perceived it. :::shrug::: Probably true, but I can take it as well. It's actually been a relationship issue, though not with the Ladies I'm with now. A little more than a decade ago though, I was seeing a woman and we would occasionally be somewhere and she would hear me insulted. She would fly to my defense and then I'd come over to see what the problem was. She'd tell me what was said and I'd just laugh at it. Then she'd be angry that I wasn't angry. My favorite was "Wal-Mart dom" I'm not sure what that was supposed to mean, but in retrospect it didn't seem very insulting. I happen to know some folks that work with Wal-Mart, and the week before I was called that, Wal-Mart, already the biggest corporation in the world, had bought the local Airport in their hometown and turned into a private field for just their planes. If that's the definition of failure, at least I'm failing huge!!
Now I say this because in the short time I've been blogging, at least two people have indicated they thought I was upset or offended. I want the gallery's opinions not necessarily its' approval. So now you know.
Just wanted to let the few here know. It's actually hard to offend me. And if you do you will not wonder if you did, it will be real clear. Now there have been occasions where people went from my "Well respected" list to my "Too stupid to deal with" list in one fell swoop, but if someone does that it will be painless because I won't be offended, I'll just be done interacting with them. I had a woman tell me once that my trouble was not that it was hard to read between the lines of what I said to get to what I really meant, but rather that I didn't use lines and instead smacked people in the face with the truth, at least as I perceived it. :::shrug::: Probably true, but I can take it as well. It's actually been a relationship issue, though not with the Ladies I'm with now. A little more than a decade ago though, I was seeing a woman and we would occasionally be somewhere and she would hear me insulted. She would fly to my defense and then I'd come over to see what the problem was. She'd tell me what was said and I'd just laugh at it. Then she'd be angry that I wasn't angry. My favorite was "Wal-Mart dom" I'm not sure what that was supposed to mean, but in retrospect it didn't seem very insulting. I happen to know some folks that work with Wal-Mart, and the week before I was called that, Wal-Mart, already the biggest corporation in the world, had bought the local Airport in their hometown and turned into a private field for just their planes. If that's the definition of failure, at least I'm failing huge!!
Now I say this because in the short time I've been blogging, at least two people have indicated they thought I was upset or offended. I want the gallery's opinions not necessarily its' approval. So now you know.
Monday, September 28, 2009
That's the question. Oh, and pardon the language.
Recently was asked if my family doesn't identify as dom and sub, how do we identify? I know I just got advice on etiquette but since there are, what, four followers? I'll point out that it was Greengirl, because we probably are all going to know that. It's a very good question, and in fact the major reason I'm here. I don't know how to identify. Thus the name of the blog "What the..." And the address, "But then how..."
Understand, I like lables. I know that's wholly politically incorrect in "The lifestyle", and I plain don't give a damn. I'm certain I mentioned this before, but I'll reiterate that I was involved in D/s for a long time. I've wanted a relationship where the man leads and the woman supports as long as I can remember. I think men should be men and women should be ALLOWED to be feminine if they choose. I have no argument with the most butch dyke out there, I just don't want to date her, and I don't want her running down my Ladies for liking frilly girl things and wanting to please me. In fact as a man I'm not going to allow it, because as a man I CAN NOT allow it. See how that works? Lable!
I want to know what we are. And from there what I should do about it to make life as good as it can possibly be for all of us. I like this, not that, the Ladies like this and not that. What does that make us, and what else fits into that? And where and how do I then go get it?
When I enlisted in the military, I did it for all kinds of reasons. But one of those reasons was I wanted to live my life by a certain code, being required to meet certain minimum standards. I was taught to respect the military by men that served in WWII. The military had the reputation of being made up of people that were honorable, selfless, dedicated, and committed. People that had that code. It turned out not to be exactly so. D/s was the same. I had been exposed as a fairly young teen, again when I was not quite 20, and I was told it was all based on honor, chivalry, commitment to your partner, and commitment to a high personal standard that had to be maintained or there would be consequences from this little self contained community. Instead I found a place where people use the desires and hopes of others to manipulate each other. Where physical abuse is supposedly not if the submissive who suffered it offered some kind of blanket agreement "To do anything". A promise that seems always to have been given to someone the submissive felt safe trusting that much because they genuinely believed that person would never hurt them. They believed they were safe offering such unconditional trust because the other person would value their safety and well being as much (Or even more than) they themselves did. And let's not forget that it's a place where almost anything can be excused because "I like them". You know what I mean, "I know he or she does this or that, but I LIKE them" as if that has any relevance at all. It's a place where when the standards are clearly broken YOU are the bad guy if you point that out. Instead you are supposed to look the other way because it's none of your business, at least not now.
I really don't mind being called "Dom", except that the "Well respected dominants" I've seen are more often than not just self-centered jackasses more interested in image management and getting laid than their submissive's well being or living up to the high standards they claim all dominants have to meet. I don't think either of the Ladies has any problem with being called submissive, except for the two-faced lying bitch submissives they've seen who pretend to be perfect little obedient SLAVE girls when their partner is in the room, and then deride and insult him or her behind their backs when they aren't, all the while suggesting to my Ladies that if I never find out they disobeyed my wishes it doesn't count. So basically, that's where we are.
Just today I heard a radio program discussing that because of the current American culture, in high school they are teaching students that a healthy relationship means the people involved are happy to be in the relationship. There's all kinds of things involved in that according to the class that I'm not going to go into, but I think at the core that's exactly right. If you're happy to be in your relationship, it's probably a good and healthy one. I am happy in a relationship where I am looked to to set the tone and lead the way, and the Ladies are happy in a relationship where they express their needs and desires and are offered guidance on how to meet them, or simply have them met outright. Where our roles are clearly defined and are gently enforced. ALL our roles, not just theirs. What we are NOT interested in is "Fair" or "Equal". If things turn out equal, great. But if we're all happy, equal is kind of irrelevant. Fair is a point of view. Nothing anywhere is ever completely fair from all possible points of view. It's a waste of time to fight that.
So, I'm looking for that lable. I would like to find it so I can gain a better self understanding, a better understanding of the Ladies so I can take better care of them, and maybe we can find a community of actually like minded people. People I can respect instead of tolerate. So, at any point, anyone that thinks they can define me please do so. Don't be shy or feel uncomfortable that's why I'm here, to hear your opinions.
Understand, I like lables. I know that's wholly politically incorrect in "The lifestyle", and I plain don't give a damn. I'm certain I mentioned this before, but I'll reiterate that I was involved in D/s for a long time. I've wanted a relationship where the man leads and the woman supports as long as I can remember. I think men should be men and women should be ALLOWED to be feminine if they choose. I have no argument with the most butch dyke out there, I just don't want to date her, and I don't want her running down my Ladies for liking frilly girl things and wanting to please me. In fact as a man I'm not going to allow it, because as a man I CAN NOT allow it. See how that works? Lable!
I want to know what we are. And from there what I should do about it to make life as good as it can possibly be for all of us. I like this, not that, the Ladies like this and not that. What does that make us, and what else fits into that? And where and how do I then go get it?
When I enlisted in the military, I did it for all kinds of reasons. But one of those reasons was I wanted to live my life by a certain code, being required to meet certain minimum standards. I was taught to respect the military by men that served in WWII. The military had the reputation of being made up of people that were honorable, selfless, dedicated, and committed. People that had that code. It turned out not to be exactly so. D/s was the same. I had been exposed as a fairly young teen, again when I was not quite 20, and I was told it was all based on honor, chivalry, commitment to your partner, and commitment to a high personal standard that had to be maintained or there would be consequences from this little self contained community. Instead I found a place where people use the desires and hopes of others to manipulate each other. Where physical abuse is supposedly not if the submissive who suffered it offered some kind of blanket agreement "To do anything". A promise that seems always to have been given to someone the submissive felt safe trusting that much because they genuinely believed that person would never hurt them. They believed they were safe offering such unconditional trust because the other person would value their safety and well being as much (Or even more than) they themselves did. And let's not forget that it's a place where almost anything can be excused because "I like them". You know what I mean, "I know he or she does this or that, but I LIKE them" as if that has any relevance at all. It's a place where when the standards are clearly broken YOU are the bad guy if you point that out. Instead you are supposed to look the other way because it's none of your business, at least not now.
I really don't mind being called "Dom", except that the "Well respected dominants" I've seen are more often than not just self-centered jackasses more interested in image management and getting laid than their submissive's well being or living up to the high standards they claim all dominants have to meet. I don't think either of the Ladies has any problem with being called submissive, except for the two-faced lying bitch submissives they've seen who pretend to be perfect little obedient SLAVE girls when their partner is in the room, and then deride and insult him or her behind their backs when they aren't, all the while suggesting to my Ladies that if I never find out they disobeyed my wishes it doesn't count. So basically, that's where we are.
Just today I heard a radio program discussing that because of the current American culture, in high school they are teaching students that a healthy relationship means the people involved are happy to be in the relationship. There's all kinds of things involved in that according to the class that I'm not going to go into, but I think at the core that's exactly right. If you're happy to be in your relationship, it's probably a good and healthy one. I am happy in a relationship where I am looked to to set the tone and lead the way, and the Ladies are happy in a relationship where they express their needs and desires and are offered guidance on how to meet them, or simply have them met outright. Where our roles are clearly defined and are gently enforced. ALL our roles, not just theirs. What we are NOT interested in is "Fair" or "Equal". If things turn out equal, great. But if we're all happy, equal is kind of irrelevant. Fair is a point of view. Nothing anywhere is ever completely fair from all possible points of view. It's a waste of time to fight that.
So, I'm looking for that lable. I would like to find it so I can gain a better self understanding, a better understanding of the Ladies so I can take better care of them, and maybe we can find a community of actually like minded people. People I can respect instead of tolerate. So, at any point, anyone that thinks they can define me please do so. Don't be shy or feel uncomfortable that's why I'm here, to hear your opinions.
Saturday, September 26, 2009
etiquette help requested
I've been browsing blogs, and seen a couple of things I'd like to post about myself. Is there an etiquette to that? Do I identify the original poster (As I would expect to do)? Or should I leave them ananymous so I don't appear to be addressing them directly (Occasionally I'll be disagreeing with someones opinions)? If I am motivated by a claimed sub to write my own post, do I discuss that with the dom first, or is it fair game when it's made public? I'm not usually concerned with political correctness but I do believe in common courtesy. If I offend someone I want it to be legitimate and intentional. ;)
Thanks for any advice.
Tomcat};{>
Thanks for any advice.
Tomcat};{>
Friday, September 25, 2009
A funny thing happened to me while I was out looking for myself.....
So something a bit jolting happened to me a while back. I was mistaken for submissive. Please don't misunderstand me, I wasn't offended, but I was shocked. In fact I was a bit flattered in a way, because I've always said I don't think I have what it takes to be submissive. Submissives, at least good ones, are fluid in a way that just flabbergasts me. It just amazes me how quickly and how smoothly my Ladies can altar their entire days schedule at my whim seemingly effortlessly. In fact I've learned to be very careful about certain things because they will cheerfully accomodate some meaningless request that just drifted through my mind by putting off something else that is truly important and finishing it later, often at a time when they would normally be sleeping. And often I won't even realize they changed their plans until days and days later. I often wonder how many things they do I just never know about at all. Now I'm former military, but I don't have anything like that kind of grace under pressure. Give me a mission and I'll get it done no matter what happens going around, over, or as a last resort through any obstacle I come up against, but I don't smile sweetly while I do it. If I get too far away from my expected plan it pisses me off even if I'm eventually successful.
My Ladies just roll with things. I don't mean just that they don't complain, but that they don't even mention it, even much later when it would be irrelevant anyway. And it's not just with me, it's with their family, with their careers. It's like they don't mind sudden and unexpected departures from the plan. That's the part I couldn't do. I mind.
I mind last minute changes. I mind busting my ass for days only to be told what I have now accomplished is irrelevant because there's been a change in plans by upper management. I REALLY minded it when one came home early and said she needed to go out of state on business for three days, and she needed permission to leave in 45 minutes and a ride to the airport unless I wanted my car to sit out there. Understand she had let them know I might refuse which would mean her answer was "No, I'm not going", but also understand my point that she just went with it. Cheerfully. I'd have gone, but I'd have been pissed.
I asked how this person had come to that conclusion and it seems the Ladies were discussing our everyday life, and it came to light that I went to work first, I came home last, I did the cooking (Which is true, but I don't do it every night. I cook mass amounts and we heat-n-eat all week) I pay the bills, I handle the home maintenance, and I custom built a lot of the features in their respective rooms. They park in a garage where the lights come on automatically whenever they enter through any door. They walk from there to the house through a garden complete with multiple fountains, statuary, gargoyles and landscaped paths which is completely enclosed by an eight foot flowering hedge. When they leave in the morning their meds and coffee are on the table waiting so they don't forget them. Things like that. Apparently all this created the impression that I was the servant. And I got to thinking, maybe I am from a certain point of view. Aren't all caretakers?
I've pointed out that I don't really identify as "dom" any longer. If someone calls me that I don't object or get offended, but I like lables and clear definitions and I can't get one for dom. And based on what I've seen as examples, I'm not sure I'd care to claim I am such. I am however, head of the family. Large and in charge. Taking excellent care of the Ladies is, in my opinion, just payin' the cost to be the boss. I understand very clearly I am fortunate enough, graced enough, blessed by God enough to have two of the most amazing women I've ever known living with me in a committed relationship we all hope and work to make last a lifetime. If they appear a little spoiled, good. But maybe that's part of my issue with identifying (or not) as D/s. In a lot of ways I do put them above me. I bust my ass on their behalf, and I like to do it. And yet, I'm very set in my ways and fairly uncompromising. I do things based on my personal principles and code of conduct, and I don't waiver. So isn't that more dominant? Is it possible that in order to be a good dominant, you have to not only understand submissiveness, but be submissive in certain ways, to feel it? Does the pleasure I find in making their life paths as easy as possible qualify me as submissive? Like the blog title says, What the............???????????
My Ladies just roll with things. I don't mean just that they don't complain, but that they don't even mention it, even much later when it would be irrelevant anyway. And it's not just with me, it's with their family, with their careers. It's like they don't mind sudden and unexpected departures from the plan. That's the part I couldn't do. I mind.
I mind last minute changes. I mind busting my ass for days only to be told what I have now accomplished is irrelevant because there's been a change in plans by upper management. I REALLY minded it when one came home early and said she needed to go out of state on business for three days, and she needed permission to leave in 45 minutes and a ride to the airport unless I wanted my car to sit out there. Understand she had let them know I might refuse which would mean her answer was "No, I'm not going", but also understand my point that she just went with it. Cheerfully. I'd have gone, but I'd have been pissed.
I asked how this person had come to that conclusion and it seems the Ladies were discussing our everyday life, and it came to light that I went to work first, I came home last, I did the cooking (Which is true, but I don't do it every night. I cook mass amounts and we heat-n-eat all week) I pay the bills, I handle the home maintenance, and I custom built a lot of the features in their respective rooms. They park in a garage where the lights come on automatically whenever they enter through any door. They walk from there to the house through a garden complete with multiple fountains, statuary, gargoyles and landscaped paths which is completely enclosed by an eight foot flowering hedge. When they leave in the morning their meds and coffee are on the table waiting so they don't forget them. Things like that. Apparently all this created the impression that I was the servant. And I got to thinking, maybe I am from a certain point of view. Aren't all caretakers?
I've pointed out that I don't really identify as "dom" any longer. If someone calls me that I don't object or get offended, but I like lables and clear definitions and I can't get one for dom. And based on what I've seen as examples, I'm not sure I'd care to claim I am such. I am however, head of the family. Large and in charge. Taking excellent care of the Ladies is, in my opinion, just payin' the cost to be the boss. I understand very clearly I am fortunate enough, graced enough, blessed by God enough to have two of the most amazing women I've ever known living with me in a committed relationship we all hope and work to make last a lifetime. If they appear a little spoiled, good. But maybe that's part of my issue with identifying (or not) as D/s. In a lot of ways I do put them above me. I bust my ass on their behalf, and I like to do it. And yet, I'm very set in my ways and fairly uncompromising. I do things based on my personal principles and code of conduct, and I don't waiver. So isn't that more dominant? Is it possible that in order to be a good dominant, you have to not only understand submissiveness, but be submissive in certain ways, to feel it? Does the pleasure I find in making their life paths as easy as possible qualify me as submissive? Like the blog title says, What the............???????????
Friday, September 18, 2009
Uhm, Hello..........
I've never had a blog before, and I will be making this up as I go along. What I hope to accomplish here is a deeper understanding of the D/s lifestyle. I have....I don't know...Something. I thought it was D/s many years ago, but there seems to be no clear definition of what D/s is, versus what other things are. I find it difficult to find people of like mind when definitions and labels aren't allowed. Some of you were invited, some of you might have stumbled upon this by accident. Either way, the point is for me to pick your brains. The way I expect this to work is that I'll see something I have an opinion on, blog on it, and then the group can bat it around a while. However, I'm certain this blog will evolve over time.
I think I'll leave it there for now. I imagine as time goes by my attitudes and opinions will quickly become apparent. So, thanks for reading my first-ever-anywhere blogpost!
I think I'll leave it there for now. I imagine as time goes by my attitudes and opinions will quickly become apparent. So, thanks for reading my first-ever-anywhere blogpost!
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