One of the things I’ve never liked about D/s as I’ve seen it presented, in fact one of the things that causes me to think it must not be what I do, is that everything is dark and evil. I’m not dark and evil. My Ladies aren’t dark and evil. They are bright and shiny and joyous to me. I hope I’m that to them. Why can’t D/s be that?
I realize normally I write a novel, but this time I have nothing more to add. My Ladies and our relationship are nothing but good to me, it’s the rest of my life that is dark and difficult. Ecstatic, Joyous, thrilling, uplifting, bright and happy, why isn’t D/s described like that?
11 comments:
I kinda get what you mean, Sir.
O is sometimes dark, like when I'm punished for something. Other than that I'm not sure why it is.
mouse
I hear ya.
That's one of the things I balked at when I realized that I like submission. Much of what you see promoted as True D/s out there is dark and creepy and dehumanizing, for both sub and dom. This was quite off-putting because I'm simply not noir.
I think much of this stems from the urban myth / internet fantasy, however. So, when in doubt, the uncertain buy into the fantasy because it's a popularly-accepted definition and they figure this must be how "real" D/s works. (Or, they're not really D/s, just looking for a rebellious game to play.)
In reality, a D/s relationship is no different from any other. We all create our own relationship dynamic. When we are true to ourselves, it's usually good. There can be dark moments, because we're dealing with people. But for the most part, we're happy with it. Even the people with dark threads running through their lives often see d/s as redemptive. (Or at least as holding the possibility, even if they haven't gotten there quite yet.)
If you go looking through the various blogs here 'bouts, you'll find some that really do let the joy and the light show, not pollyanna, but the good, connected, uplifting possibilities of D/s. Start with the two ladies above.
I know what you're saying. I think this is because this lifestyle can have very dark and sadistic moments and often times they applauded and spoken openly about within the D/s community. I dont see it as dark. I definitely think have some darker sides to me but most of the time I am always happy and bubbly, even when I am feeling sad or blue. I think a lot of people like to see the darker/sadistic sides more than the "normal" sides of this lifestyle because that's what is exciting to them and sets them apart from "vanilla" relationships. Often people find that the unknown, mysterious and darkness is what makes them exciting. Either way, there are two sides (or more) to every relationship no matter what style or title the relationship claims to have.
The occasional punishment aside, my life is hardly dark. In fact, I dare say quite light.
Omega
I think it's portrayed that way a lot for the kink junkies who get off on the darker side of life. But for those of us who live it... it's hardly dark at all.
spirited
Spirited, I agree. But I have to wonder how it is that the kink junkies have hijacked an entire lifestyle and no one, especially considering the lifestyle, seems to feel it is appropriate to object. Why aren't the misconceptions corrected?
I've wondered the same thing and all I can think of is... why doesn't anyone ever stand up for what they believe in? It's easier not to rock the boat... you know? Most people can't handle trying to be the voice of reason within an unreasonable mob... otherwise they might get hung for their trouble.
But I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut. That's why I started the "On Being Slave" blog and I'm writing that novel "His Perfection". I'm hoping with both of those to start showing people who are either new to or interested in the lifestyle or those who are just curious what it's really about... well at least from the M/s aspect.
Maybe we ought to all collaborate on writing some stuff to post on literotica... that's where most of the dark stuff comes from these days... at least that I've noticed.
spirited
First time commenting in your blog, but have lurked from time to time.But this time I had to comment..you are right, it does not have to be dark and evil looking. My husband (Sir) and I practice our own version of D/s and although there are times that things may get a bit intense and 'dark'..for the most part, I am shiny, upbeat, top-of-the-morning and a ray of sunshine...so is he. We brighten each others days and lives and try to show the outside vanilla world when we can, that this is not some morbid, secretive thing that we must hide away and be embarrassed about. Just my 3 cents worth here. Thanks.
http://thepinkpoppet.wordpress.com/
You're singing my song. I write posts with headings like 'Light the Way'. I see D/s as the best thing that ever happened to my husband and me. I think it is joyful, bright, the road to happiness and all things good.
I do so enjoy your posts. Your genuineness and 'nice guy' character shines through your words.
First I'll say hi..."Hi"
Perhaps people (men?) make it dark online because dark is easier. Just look how many horror movies are produced each year compared to well-written romantic comedies. Comedy is hard, death is a cinch.
What I find off-putting is the dearth of real wit in most BDSM, particularly in erotica. Humor is one of the best ways to judge character: without wit, it is difficult either to believe or empathize with any fictional character. Hannibal Lectur had wit!
It's easy to write some diatribe about "HOW THINGS SHOULD BE," but without a few punchlines, most likely the writer is dull, dull, dull.
Yes, D/s is light (it certainly is on my life and new blog), it's bright, it's everything right. I don't want my girl roaming the world as a depressed goth, or silent and somber slave. i don't embody the stern disciplinarian or Dark Lord, on Halloween maybe but not everyday.
I don't like horror movies (Ok, Exorcist and Alien get the BIG thumbs up!). I like a good romantic comedy far better: give me Groundhog Day, Broadcast News, or Some LIke it Hot.
That's entertainment, so is my girl's bright and brilliant smile.
Light my world, baby!
Post a Comment