Rambling

So often I seem to see things opposite to the way the world seems to see them. Relationships are a good example. I've often heard of a relationship that went bad and it bothers the submissive that she wasn't enough for her partner. This is especially bothersome to submissives that seem to think they somehow “failed” to be the perfect “slave”, and there are so many doms that are eager to blame them. I have to say in most cases I think the sub is right, they weren’t the perfect slave, but I don’t see the failure part.

I’ve had relationships fail before. Some called D/s and some not. They failed because we weren’t compatible enough. And sometimes it was weird things that weren’t compatible. I had a partner I'll call Samantha in a previous relationship. At the time we identified as D/s, me the dom, she the sub. Samantha had almost all the qualities I look for in a woman. Intelligent, eager to please, bubbly and bright, self motivated, hard working, honest and I have to admit, the fact that she was a complete knock-out in the looks department was certainly a bonus. We were together for quite a while really. I think it was over two years. We ended for a lot of reasons. We lived in different cities. She was unemployed, getting by on modeling jobs she traveled around the state to do. My business was here in my town, and it seemed like a no brainer in my opinion that she would move to be with me, not the other way around. But she didn’t like it here. To slow a pace. I didn’t like her city either, to fast a pace. She felt we didn’t have enough sex (I know, hard to believe) but I was working 18 hour days getting my business up and running, and I thought once or twice a day when she was here was adequate. I thought she was at times incredibly naïve. People would use her and take advantage of her, hurt her and abandon her, and she would immediately forgive them and open herself to them again. I’m sure she thought I was at times a hard-hearted, insensitive prick who lacked understanding and compassion because with very few exceptions you only get the chance to screw me once. Eventually we parted amicably. I heard she married and was and is happy. I’m glad for her, she was a sweet woman and deserved happiness.

But she wasn’t perfect for me. If you look, I purposely put my perception of her point of view with mine in the paragraph above. You might notice I wasn’t perfect for her either. That’s not my fault, and it isn’t hers. That’s just reality.

People, you are you. Submissives are supposed to flex and bend, but they all have a core that is just inviolable. Some things are hard wired into their heads, and that’s that. Same thing with doms. Samantha was perfectly willing to gulp down my piss, for instance. An act I'm aware of but have never done nor had a particular desire to do. She also amazed me once when I teased her about cutting off her fingers. I was using a power saw, and it was some smart-assed comment that was obviously BS. But she looked at me for a minute and then said she would have to believe I was really committed for life, and then she’d consent. The thing is, I could tell she meant it seriously.

Pardon me?

Samantha had hair down to her thighs, and when I teased her about cutting it she got seriously pissed. THAT was a hard limit. Even discussing it was a hard limit. But fingers are negotiable? Sorry, but I like how a lady’s fingers feel wrapped around me. I have better uses for those than filleting them. The fingers stay.

On the other hand, I did choose the hairstyles both my Ladies wear. Color too. It always sort of irritated me that haircuts were a hard limit with Samantha. But the thing is, Samantha always had long hair. She was proud of her long hair. In her mind it set her apart from other women. In a way she defined herself with it. It was something that made her extra desirable, or so she thought. Certainly few women had hair like hers. Think the singer Crystal Gale. It was absolutely unique and most men’s fantasy. Honestly however, two things I learned from Samantha. Clit rings and really long hair are more trouble than they’re worth. But she was very proud of her body jewelry as well. She actually told me that touching her rings in certain ways really set her off. I don’t think she’d have cared to give that up. What she needed was a dom that enjoyed those aspects of her, rather than one who tolerated them. And what I needed was what I got. Ladies who like the fact that I make those choices for them, and who like the choices I make.

I don’t think it’s reasonable for anyone to expect another person OR themselves to be capable of being completely reinvented. You can’t inject your fantasies into her body and completely reprogram her already existing soul. And the older she is, the more things there are inside her set in stone. The more complex and rich her history, and therefore the more complex and rich the experience she offers, but only to someone sophisticated enough to appreciate it. You don’t become someone’s soul mate. You either are, or you aren’t. A dominant can make two kinds of changes to a sub. He can reveal to her parts of her very nature she had never been aware of, and he can reorganize her existing style to suit him better. All anyone can do is be honest with themselves about what they offer and what they want, and then try to find someone that fulfills their needs and wants. But you have to find that person. You can’t take a pretty package and force it to like what you want it too.