Well, this started out as a response to JZ under the “I’m hard to offend” post, but ever since JZ posted her latest thoughts I can’t seem to post. The difficulty is ONLY on that one post. I think JZ was just trying to get the last word by sabotaging my blog with her Techno-Ninja Computer Blogging skills. HA HA, I will just start a new post!! If you haven’t read that post, you might want to refer to it and the comments first, then read this.
I had said that in debating a topic, if I win the debate it adds validity to my ideas. I don't seem to be able to express what I mean about convincing someone or getting them to agree with me. For one thing, it's more about them NOT being able to make me agree with them. Let’s say a person I have observed and that I personally believe has a deep understanding of the kind of relationship we are discussing (Whatever they choose to call it) has a specific point of view. If when that person and I discuss the relationship we agree for the most part, then I gain more confidence in my view because I feel like they know what they are talking about and we agree. If it's a group of that type of people, so much the better. If we are discussing an aspect of relationships that I am uncertain or undecided about, then that helps shape my own opinions and I have confidence in those opinions, especially if they mesh with my own instinct on the topic. Now JZ I want to use you as the example, I hope you don’t mind. You've described yourself to me as submissive but in no way slave. Obviously we don't really know each other, but based on what I've experienced via your written opinions, I can accept that. If most people claimed someone with your attitudes and opinions could make a good slave I’d not believe it. However, if YOU were to tell me that, I now have a personal conflict. I respect your opinions and would consider them informed and generally trustworthy and accurate, but the one just offered flies directly in the face of everything I believe. So I would invite you to make your case, I'd offer my deeply held beliefs on any point that we disagree with, and you would need to knock those beliefs down with your logical arguments. If you could convince me that you were even possibly correct I might well change my opinion based solely on your statements. If you couldn't, I'd have to conclude that my opinion was correct all along. Even if we part agreeing to disagree, that adds ....validity, substance, whatever you want to call it...to my opinion in my own head, because someone that knew as much as you, had not been able to show me the flaw in my thinking. No flaw means no mistake, at least so far in that search for truth you mentioned.
I'm still not certain I'm accurately describing what I mean, but that's the best I can do for now. However (And this is in a way a "Eureka" moment of it's own) You're correct in your statement that I think I'm right to start with when I offer an opinion in a post. In that way I can see your point that I appear to be trying to "Convince you" as you say. Actually, I just don't care if I convert others. However, it occurs to me that maybe it would be more effective to ask for further explanation rather than point out my perceived flaws in their logic. I'll try that. Bear with me, it will mean changing a 30 year old method of debate I was taught as a child.
AS I said, Greengirl and Mouse have been very helpful. Both pointed out in comments to another post that they use "Dominant" as an adjective. Everyone I've ever had even so much as a serious conversation with represents it as a noun. I hear it used as in "He is my dom", and in that context the word appears to me to be a noun being used to describe a specific, and SINGLE, thing. An expectation of seeing that thing is created. If I say "I'll bring my boat” what do you expect to see? A water vehicle. Variations exist, but the word boat at the least means a class of things that share common traits. I can arrive with a pontoon boat, a ski boat or a paddle boat, but those are verifiable boats. If I show up with a 1959 Cadillac you’ll probably immediately understand “boat” was slang, but it would still be a momentary surprise. If I show up with a 500 cc Honda motorcycle, you're just plain going to think “That’s not a boat” now aren't you? By the same token, I sometimes think “That’s no dom”.
You point out that maybe this experiment will fail because no one wants to argue their case, or just won’t see the need. I’m usually pretty clear about the purpose of the blog. I consider it more about legitimate debate than arguing, but I do see what you mean. If this source dries up because no one was willing to pursue the goals I have for the blog because they don’t like my technique, then it wasn’t much use and therefore no loss.
Take your time with the rewrite, and I hope you enjoyed your weekend.
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1 comment:
Dang!
Apparently the "ninja" part still needs work, if you spotted it... ;-)
I think I get the gist of what you mean about convincing someone. It was how you approach the act of convincing that was problematic.
I believe you have put your finger on the point I was trying to make when you said that perhaps you should ask the other person for further explanation instead of starting by pointing our their perceived flaws.
(And as an aside, I find myself thinking, "that's no dom" about a number of the people I see online...)
Thank you, my weekend was 50% successful.
Sadly, not the 50% I was most anticipating but I never turn my nose up at any amount of fun!
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